Whose sex scandal is bigger: Jacko’s or Rummy’s?
CRITICIZE LAWYERS’ PROSE all you want, but some court documents are hot, aren’t they? In the following passage from a notorious current case, the language may be stiff, but you just know that steamy details are coming:
We’re talking about Michael Jackson and his flunkies, right?
Wrong. It’s about Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and his flunkies.
A hard look at allegations in the current cases of America’s most notable penile colonies—Jackson’s Neverland and Rumsfeld’s Abu Ghraib—shows that Jacko could have taken some tips from the U.S. soldiers’ sex play with Iraqis.
Not much genital-to-genital action at either playground, apart from some rapes at Abu Ghraib. But lots of dickie playing at both places.
So how do the Jacko and Rummy scandals measure up against each other? My comparison is based on The Smoking Gun’s Jacko coverage, and the Center for Constitutional Rights’ page on Saleh v. Titan, just one of the lawsuits circling like buzzards over Abu Ghraib.
Bad boys, bad boys. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
Jacko has firmly declared his innocence. Rumsfeld, for his part, is not a defendant in the Saleh civil case, filed in California on behalf of former Abu Ghraib prisoners. But he’s the ultimate boss of the soldiers and the private contractors from thriving defense contractors Titan and CACI who are alleged to have supervised, or participated in, the weenie play, torture, and other activities at the Baghdad prison. The defendants, including corporate citizens Titan and CACI, firmly deny wrongdoing. Rumsfeld, of course, has continually blamed “rogue” soldiers while defending the Pentagon’s harsh interrogation policies, which flout international law.
By the way, Jacko and Rummy both firmly defend their actions as appropriate.
Now for the juicy stuff, which just may show you that you’re obsessed with the wrong sex scandal.
Jackson, for instance, is accused of showing porn to kids to stimulate them. The Smoking Gun describes the King of Pop this way:
So what? The soldiers used real live women and an improvised sexual device (ISD). From the Saleh suit:
Jacko supposedly tried to educate his companions about sex, but he spared the rod before spoiling the child. The American soldiers at Abu Ghraib, on the other hand, incorporated the utensils of learning into their sex play with the Iraqis:
As for Jacko’s “drinking games” with boys? Well, the U.S. soldiers played sex-and-drinking games with the Iraqis, though there was no “Jesus Juice” (Jacko’s term for wine) involved, only water. Things did, however, get a little rough, even without the alcohol:
Guess the soldiers weren’t into the kind of grooming that Jacko allegedly performed:
Maybe Jacko was just emulating the animals at Neverland’s zoo. But, hey, kids, there were doggies at Abu Ghraib, and the soldiers went way beyond Jacko, even using them to enhance foreplay:
This is the kind of stuff you want to keep private. In the case of Neverland, TSG notes:
The U.S. soldiers weren’t as discreet—they even took photos that wound up posted around the world and busted the whole scandal loose. But their bosses have been private. Last spring, Doug Feith even banned talk of Abu Ghraib inside the Pentagon.
By that time, several internal investigations had already been completed, and Rumsfeld knew about the sex games because that’s practically all the investigators talked about.
Of course, how sex is talked about is crucial. At Neverland, Jacko reportedly talked to his boys about how same-gender sex play is natural. Well, the soldiers at Abu Ghraib had a handicap in getting that point across: the language barrier. I mean, how do say “Blow me” in Arabic? Is that in an Army field manual? So, the soldiers’ actions regarding male-on-male sex had to speak louder than words. As a result, the latent troops went blatant. As translator/defendant Adel L. Nakhla said:
Meanwhile, back at Neverland, there was a full supply of sex toys to help things along. And Jacko did allegedly expend quite a bit of effort to stay up late with the kids and shoot the shit with them. The soldiers had the same goal—keep their charges up late—and they didn’t have any fancy toys; they made do with what they had:
Or, just lie there, naked or barely clothed. Whatever. Kind of like when, back at the ranch, Jacko supposedly crept into bed and dry-humped a young companion from behind. Or the alleged golf cart incident:
The soldiers weren’t so coy. They got everybody naked and helped their charges get their freak on. Witnesseth this biblical-sounding passage:
The only successful “privatizing” that the U.S. has accomplished in Iraq involved the Iraqis’ private parts. In a similar attempt to bring his charges up to date with new ways of organizing their personal business of wanking, Jacko shared computer technology by surfing for porn with them. The U.S. soldiers, meanwhile, found another way of introducing Iraqis to the digital era:
Jacko supposedly got pretty oral at the ranch, but again the soldiers stack up well:
When it came to just getting everyone naked, hell, that was standard operating procedure at Abu Ghraib. By comparison, Jacko was an amateur, according to the allegations:
“Length”? The American soldiers took that topic seriously, shooting photos of naked Iraqis and their penises and even trying to help the Iraqis measure up:
Plus a little BDSM for spice:
Speaking of beating it, millions have loved Jacko’s music and have bought his albums, making him fabulously wealthy. But millions have thrilled to Rumsfeld and the rest of the Bush regime; they just got re-elected. If you measure success in terms of money, I’ll bet you dollars to dinars that Rumsfeld controls more money than Jacko right now: The cost of the war is almost $6 billion a month.
Seems clear that Jacko’s sex scandal is pretty much dwarfed by Rummy’s. All this talk about “Jesus Juice”—the wine that Jacko put into his boys’ soda cans—is titillating, but c’mon. Is the King of Pop really such a naïf? You have to say, though, that Jacko at least acted as if he were Anti-Beaver Cleaver. TSG notes:
Compare that with the soldiers’ tougher kind of love:
At Neverland, you didn’t hear that kind of harsh guy-to-guy talk about, say, sex:
Our spunky soldiers, on the other hand, were once again more action than talk:
They all seem to have been crank wankers—Jacko and the soldiers. But Jacko has the edge as a crank yanker, calling up women (in front of the boys) and telling them, “Your pussy stinks!”
C’mon, isn’t there some sort of middle ground when it comes to sex juices? You know, behavior that’s not creepily juvenile, like Jacko’s, or creepily sadistic and latent, like that of the soldiers at Abu Ghraib?
The answer is yes. The only thing Bill Clinton tried to conquer was a pliable intern who tried to conquer him first. Win-win, they call that in government circles.
Clinton brought new meaning to the term “Oval Office.” Here’s the smoking gun from the Starr Report that also contains my favorite sentence in presidential oral history:
But forget the Oval Office. And forget Neverland. The penal code was abused a hell of lot more at Abu Ghraib than at either of those two places, as far as I can tell.
Too bad the Republicans won’t allow full Congressional hearings into Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, and Rummy’s other Club Dread playgrounds around the world, including the notorious Salt Pit torture chamber in Afghanistan, a creepshow that Dana Priest explored in yesterday’s Washington Post. As Priest noted:
The press ought to be screaming for such a probe. Unfortunately, the sex-drenched Abu Ghraib scandal may seem like mostly old news to the U.S. media. But not to everybody. Only yesterday, the ACLU and Human Rights First announced the filing of an explosive new series of lawsuits against Rumsfeld himself. Don’t blame me if that development took a back seat in media coverage to Jacko’s case.
Look what happened during the Clinton era. The right-wingers managed to rake Clinton over the coals during nationally televised hearings for being a devil with the blue dress. Cum stains from consensual blow jobs. Who cares? The press obsessed, but the public didn’t give a shit, in the final analysis. I guess we just need a trial or an impeachment to make people pay attention to the much more demented diddling at places like Abu Ghraib.
¶ Guessing game (see picture and caption above): The answer is Abu Ghraib. The drawing is part of an official document, a slide show prepared by U.S. Military Intelligence officers to illustrate the 20-step “Interrogation Process” at the prison. This particular drawing illustrates step No. 19: “Remains at Ganci [one of the prison’s sectors] until submitted before Detainee Release Authority.” Note the cute gown that’s apparently worn by all these foreigners whose country we unjustifiably invaded.