Wake up to the Tower Recordings’ The Galaxies’ Incredibly Sensual Transmission Field of the Tower Recordings. It’s spacey folk music for tea drinking, and the whooshing floor fan noise fits right in.
illustration: James Taylor/DebuArt.com
Next, take cool shower to your homemade cassette of ELO songs, Kool and the Gang’s “Misled,” and 10cc’s “I’m Not in Love.” In 1977 I got the worst sunburn of my life to the 10cc song. I’ll get skin cancer because of them someday.
While working, listen to Annie’s Anniemal that a friend stole for me, also that evil Kylie Minogue bootleg house track where some reporter asks her about her plastic surgery and Kylie goes, “How can you be so stupid? Are you retarded?” over and over. Also, that Snoop and Justin Timberlake song. I forget the name.
After lunch, instead of napping, go to local indoor public pool to cool off (beaches and tans are for idiots). In that environment, enjoy the incongruity of brutal metal by sucking on Otter Pops to the Japanese doom drone of Boris—on headphones, so no unwritten social contracts are needlessly broken.
Go home, catch Oprah. If guests are boring, play one-armed air drum to Pyromania and order in cold noodles for dinner. Later, get baked to Cam’ron’s Purple Haze, because fuck it, I don’t care if rock critics like it too. Then fall asleep in front of the fan, resting overheated head on Chillow.