Jack (Alex O’Lachlan) needs some fast money, so he does what any of us would do: He fashions a mask out of a boysenberry Fruit Roll-Up and robs an armored car with a frozen lobster. Jack, in other words, is an idiot. Unfortunately, he is our only guide through the intriguing world of Oyster Farmer, a quirky dramedy set and shot around Australia’s Hawkesbury River. While Jack waits for his money to arrive (he sent himself several hundred thousand dollars via unregistered mail), he starts a relationship with the unfortunately named Pearl (Diana Glenn). Things really begin to sizzle when Jack—whose only well-defined characteristic is his six-pack abdomen—kidnaps Pearl’s dog, accidentally kills it, and covers up the evidence. Ah, romance. With so little story, Farmer should be free to explore the vast mysteries of oyster harvests, but writer-director Anna Reeves seems to expect an audience already proficient in marine biology and never clarifies any of the indecipherable mollusk jargon. Aw, shucks.