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The Two Minutes Hate


Robertson goes south of the border, over the line



Aging disgracefully, Pat Robertson peddles his “Robust Living” twaddle (above) while issuing death threats to men he just loves to hate, the latest being Hugo Chávez (below).
Government of Venezuela


That Pat Robertson is such a caution. Where does this elderly evangelist get all his energy?

Friends, I’m glad you asked that. Robertson calls it “Robust Living.” Go to the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “community resources” to find the stories of “Pat Robertson’s Age-Defying Pancakes” and “Pat Robertson’s Age-Defying Shake.” Or clean out those toxins with “Pat’s Age-Defying Antioxidants”:

Where does Pat Robertson get the powerhouse energy to do the things he loves and keep up with his day to day tasks?

Pat’s secret to keeping his energy high comes from taking his age-defying protein shake and his age-defying antioxidants.

From traveling the world in the name of Jesus — to being a national spokesman and spiritual leader, Pat has an amazing capacity to live life to its fullest.

But Robertson won’t be sipping protein with Hugo Chávez (except in Robertson’s most private, secret dreams).

Last night on the 700 Club, Robertson called for the assassination of Chávez. Robertson made like it was politics, but it sounds as if the evangelist is still wrestling with the confused sexual feelings that so often provoke him to go off on gays.

He can do the Two Minutes Hate with time left over, especially if the subject hits close to home.

The Times (U.K.) reports:

The right-wing religious broadcaster said that President Chávez was a “terrific danger” to the US because he wanted to use his oil-rich country as “a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism”.

“We have the ability to take him out and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability,” Mr Robertson told the Christian Broadcast Network’s 700 Club. “We don’t need another $200 billion war to get rid of one strong-arm dictator.”

See, it can’t just be a matter of politics, because Chávez couldn’t be trying to “launch” both “communist infiltration” and “Muslim extremism” at the same time. Only a fucking idiot would say that. And Robertson’s not an idiot. So maybe his rage toward Chavez is Robertson’s ragingly homo-hating sexual inner war surfacing once again.

After all, Chavez is a pretty robust-looking fellow (see photo).

My favorite story so far on the fatuous fatwa is from Forbes, which describes the Venezuelan president as a “radical demagogue.”

Jesus, what does that make Robertson? As the Forbes story itself notes, the evangelist once wished that a nuclear bomb would explode in D.C.:

… in October 2003, [Robertson] criticized the U.S. State Department during an interview, saying “maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up.”

And Robertson said it at least twice that year. As CNN reported at the time:

In June [2003], Robertson made similar remarks.

“Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up like Newt Gingrich wants to do,” he said.

Chavez, as Time‘s Tim Padgett writes, is a “source of concern for Washington if only because Venezuela is America’s fourth-largest foreign oil supplier.” The lame newsmag adds:

Chávez’s erratic and often bellicose anti-U.S. rhetoric — he publicly called Bush an “ass____” in Spanish last year — as well as his desire to sell less oil to the U.S. and more to ideological allies like China, are hardly comforting as gas nears $3 per gallon.

Who is Time calling “erratic and often bellicose”? These days, that would be George W. Bush, right?

And “ideological allies like China”? The biggest ideological ally of China’s is Wal-Mart.

The world’s largest company shares with the government of the world’s largest nation an abiding contempt for the rights and lives of working people.

You’ll never hear Pat Robertson go nuclear about those rights, those lives, or those people.

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