Brooklyn’s Next Big Thing



You can’t really tell, but Wooden Wand’s guitar player is Tony Yayo

Wooden Wand and the Vanishing Voice + Skaters + Davenport
Tommy’s Tavern
24 August 2005

Wooden Wand Download: “Cobra Christ of the Cabbages”

Brooklyn pride whatever, my patience is running thin for noise acts who ruin perfectly good guitars by banging them on cymbals (Davenport), or scream into their amps but sit backwards on their hands and knees so the audience has to look at their butts (Skaters), or turn all the lights off in the room so I can’t take any pictures without being The Guy Who Took Pictures At the Wooden Wand Show (Wooden Wand). It’s just getting a little old, and a little wasteful–we’re in the middle of the biggest gas crisis this world’s ever seen, and here are two schmucks using their mouths to make NASCAR noises–see you in hell, assholes.

Which is why Riff Raff took off after WWVV’s set of chopped+screwed Velvets covers and hit the town looking for the next batch of Brooklyn noisemakers. Check out Riff Raff’s “Must” List–a list of noise acts as approved by Michael Musto. Who knows, maybe I just found the next Japanther.

Hatestation: [Download] Solo electro-acoustic improvisation act from Greenpoint, who gets angry at his Sony Playstation Portable on the subway and starts banging it around until sparks shoot out

Magical Door: [Download] This band consists of a shopkeeper closing up his bodega for the evening. As he pulls down the metal security door, he mutters something under his breath, which makes it look like the door is talking

Raccoons: [Download] This Greenpoint band consists of five live raccoons that someone stuffed into a box. Three of the raccoons scream a lot, one of them drums by banging his head against the cardboard, and I think the other one was either on echo box, or just trying to electrocute itself

Asscapper: [Download] Ex-Excepter husband-wife duo who sound exactly like Excepter, with the notable difference that instead of a drum machine, the wife shoots a steady stream of bullets at her husband who, while dodging the fire, repeatedly chants, “Are you trying to bust a cap in my ass?” which he says with a mild lisp.

Rats In My Shoe: [Download] Several people saw this band’s debut performance in the Nassau St. subway stop, when three rats tried to climb into my shoe and I kept screaming the band name over and over again until somebody helped me out