September 23, 2005
Download: “Stabbed in the Face”
On the Popularity of “Wolf” Bands in Rock
Over the last few years, more than a few people have noticed an inordinate amount of rockers who turn to the wolf for their band name. Why? Here are Riff Raff’s thoughts:
The Anatomy and Physiology of Canis lupus, a/k/a the Wolf: Consider the wolf. Four legs, fur, bites stuff, lives in the woods with other wolves. In the 100 years since the invention of science, this is everything we know about the wolf.
So what does that explain? Perhaps the “parade” of Montreal band Wolf Parade refers to the wolf’s four legs, which have been known to parade together as a form of wolf mobility. The fur explains Super Furry Animals, who are a kind of overrated Welsh wolf, while the tendency to biting stuff might explain Goblin Cock, which happens when a wolf accidentally bites its own genitals. See also: Howlin’ Wolf, Peter Wolf.
But still, why “wolf” bands in rock music? OK, listen. Remember how wolves live in the woods with other wolves? Some of those wolves buy guitars and start rock bands.
Wolf: Alternate Definitions: From dictionary.com: “A man who makes amorous advances on many women.” This explains noise trio Wolf Eyes, whose squeals and squalls have been known to net them three, often three and a half stray Golden Retrievers in heat per concert. The alternate definition also explains the increasing prominence of AIDS Wolf, and the existence of Tiger Bear Wolf, the complicated product of a wolf orgy gone wrong. Still, we have no way of accounting for Fuckwolf.
Wolf Pack: And that’s where the human element comes in–the element of human wrestling. As you may recall, the World Championship Wrestling community had a famous crew known as the NWO Wolf Pack. These wrestlers were famous for their adroitness in the ring, obviously, but they were also good musicians too. I don’t think this explains much of anything, but it’s about time somebody gave Diamond Dallas Page his due.
Closing Remarks: Several years ago, the Baha Men famously asked, “Who let the dogs out?” Today there’s a more pressing question: “Where are the dogs?” My guess is they’re lost in the woods, rabid, really hungry and probably contemplating suicide.