‘A Tale of Two Pizzas’


A Tale of Two Pizzas stars two talented actors from The Sopranos, but the similarities to the greatest serialized drama of our time end there. Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore and Frank “Phil Leotardo” Vincent play Vito and Frank, rival pizza makers fighting a war of attrition for the hearts and minds of Yonkers. While the old generation battles to decide whose pizza is superior, their children do their best Romeo and Juliet impersonation, falling in love against the wishes of their respective fathers. Alas, a plague on both their houses would seem to be in order. Writer-director Vincent Sassone makes your mouth water with his lovingly photographed images of freshly baked pizza but turns your stomach with extra-cheesy dialogue and an inconsistent narrative (at various times, Vito’s wife and his mentor, Yonkers’s aging pizzalogist, both receive credit for the same sauce recipe). During one of the many songs that overpower the dialogue in the sound mix, a singer croons, “This is the best I can do,” and we sense that the composer understands this innocuous but forgettable picture very well.