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Riff Raff Busts the Music Industry’s Five Biggest Rumors
We’ve spent the whole day making the right calls (phone calls) and talking to the right people (the Democrats!), and here’s the bottom line on some truths and untruths floating around about your favorite stars.
Brooklyn’s Excepter banned from the Knitting Factory.
True. Apparently the inside bouncer dude who only wears shirts with ripped-off sleeves– and who once handed Status Ain’t Hood a curiously half-drunk bottle of Corona and instructed him to “drink up!“– gave Excepter John Fell Ryan’s girlfriend and her friend a hard time at the door and things just escalated from there. Keep in mind that, had I not kept him from doing so, Status Ain’t Hood would have drank that dude’s beer.
From there: After the band’s brilliant performance in the Tap Bar, Ryan and company kept going in and out the club doors to hang out in some top-down convertible where their friends were performing a reenactment of American cinema’s token college party scene where college kids crowd into convertibles, drink brewskis, blast the new Prurient, and throw beer on security guards who call them names that may or may not have included “Scarecrow” and “Ugly Scarecrow.” The Knitting Factory banned Excepter after one of the convertible people, not in Excepter, snuck into the Tap Bar during Need New Body’s performance, jumped on the bar, and started screaming about how you-know-what’d everything was (fucked). Sounds like a bunch of miscommunications, and not nearly enough discussion about how Excepter have ousted Animal Collective as the Village People of Brooklyn Noise.
Chef Boyardee sues the rapper 50 Cent over “Hustler’s Ambition,” wherein Fifty calls himself “Chef Boyar-Fifty.”
False–and quite the opposite. Not only does Chef Boyardee plan on marketing Chef Boyar-Fifty Spaghetti-Os, but other food manufacturers are offering food license deals to other G-Unit members as well. As of this afternoon, Kellogg’s has announced a special advertising campaign for Eggo’s waffles, which involves rapper Tony Yayo grabbing himself by the neck, screaming “Leggo my Yayo” ten times, then letting go of his neck. In other news, Estee Lauder recently announced 50 Scent, a unisex G-Unit cologne market as a rival to Lancome’s successful West Coast-style gangster perfume, Game Sauce.
Pharrell calls himself Skateboard P because he’s really good at skateboarding.
True. Before settling on Skateboard though, Pharrell toyed with the names “Rapper P,” “Gotta P,” and “Kool Moe P,” but ultimately decided against all three because he’s (a) not a good rapper, (b) only pees when he has to, and (c) wasn’t sure what it would mean for him to “kool moe” something.
Tony Yayo wears a bucket hat because he thinks it’s fashionable.
False. While the hat keeps Yayo in the good look game this fall, the reason he wears the hat is because it is surgically stapled to his head, hiding a wireless internet router that allows the other members of G-Unit to check their email whenever they are within 100 feet of Yayo’s head.
House majority leader Tom DeLay funneled corporate donations to buy himself an iPod Nano.
False. DeLay has an iRiver.