These guys will buy five of each book
New G-Unit Books; Riff Raff Nabs Exclusive Plotline Details
While the books won’t start rolling out in 2007, Riff Raff has received alleged plot synopses for the first few entries in the series. The plots mix, in Pocket/MTV’s words, “The Life: the sex, guns, and cash; the brutal highs and short lives of the players on the streets,” with what seems to be the lesson-giving bent of the popular children’s series, The Berenstain Bears. Are they too violent? Here are a few titles:
After Papa 50 Cent warns his “cubs” Tony Yayo and Olivia that they shouldn’t talk to strangers, Tony Yayo disobeys, and talks to several strangers about The Life. When Papa finds out, he arranges for Lloyd Banks and Young Buck to kidnap Yayo and turn him into a player. Says 50, “That will teach him about the short lives of the players on the streets.”
Uh oh. Papa 50 receives a letter from Olivia’s math teacher Lloyd Banks–even though Olivia opens up her books every night, she has not been completing her assignments. When Olivia refuses to complete her assignments, 50 Cent orders Olivia’s older brother Tony Yayo to do the work. “One mistake and I will kill you,” explains Papa, shooting guns and having sex with money.
Climb in and hold on tight! When the G-Unit family takes a trip to Six Flags Amusement Park, Papa 50 Cent becomes irritated by Tony Yayo’s incessant complaints about losing his bucket hat on the Tilt-A-Whirl. After shooting five guns into a bag of cash, Papa 50 straps his son to the front car of the Thunderbolt rollercoaster until the wind force has forced Yayo’s face into the shape of the bucket hat.
Give me the salt, jerk! Get it yourself, cash face! Cripes! When 50 Cent tries to improve his family’s manners, he decides to put his family out in the middle of the forest. “With the animals,” explains Papa 50 as he tears off the duct tape from his son Yayo’s mouth. “This is what happens when you eat my sex.” Yayo cries five times, on the streets.
When G-Unit go on a family camping trip, Papa 50 decides to play a trick on Tony Yayo by dressing up as a ghost, kidnapping Yayo, and hiding him in a box of snakes.
Tony Yayo and Olivia share a room in an enormous tree, but because neither of them want to keep it clean, it becomes dirty with sex and cash–which makes Papa 50 angry. Papa devises a plan to keep his cubs’ room tidy: The Life.
When 50 Cent realizes his daughter Olivia can run faster, climb higher, and hit a ball farther than her brothers, he decides to paint a “No Girls Allowed” sign on his house, thus barring Olivia from entering. Trouble comes the weekend after, when the G-Unit Soiree, which is normally quite the celebration, just turns out to be Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks playing Warcraft.