Return to the Blue Lagoon: Get Smashed Without Much Effort

Porky’s, the movie, follows a group of randy boys fumbling around the sexually repressed South of the ’50s as they strive toward one goal: to get laid. Porky’s, the bar, which just opened in re-enforced-cabaret-law-era New York, has a similarly single-minded ambition: to get you drunk. Here, where spring break is eternal, you can drink a Windex-colored curaçao and vodka–based Blue Lagoon out of a fishbowl ($20) replete with extra straws for sharing. But what if you are too lazy (or already too wasted) to hold on to anything, let alone your own beverage? Ladies are poised on top of the bar to pour shots straight from a bottle ($5 to $6) and down your gullet. In keeping with the house theme of self-debasement, nights are hosted by MTV reality celebrities like LC from Laguna Beach and someone whose name I’ve already forgotten from The Real World. If members of the D list aren’t entertainment enough, “you can dance like an idiot” to DJ sets afflicted with A.D.D. Top 40 hits from the past two decades play for less than a minute before skipping to the next. Porky’s food selection banks on an overlooked bonus to getting pissed: Mozzarella sticks ($7) taste better when you are unable to count calories.