See you at the party, Richter
Schwarzenegger Talks With Crips Co-Founder Tookie Williams
Yesterday California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger met with Crips gang co-founder Stanley “Tookie” Williams, who currently awaits execution for murdering four people during two late 70s robberies. He’s been on death row since 1981.
Williams and his lawyers had intended the meeting as an opportunity to ask the governor for clemency; Schwarzenegger, however, had not been informed that this was the agenda, and thought more of the visit in the same way a celebrity movie star thinks of visiting a sick young child sponsored by the Make A Wish Foundation–bring the child happiness by reenacting scenes from your most famous movies.
Below is what appears to be an exclusive excerpt from the Williams-Schwarzenegger meeting yesterday at San Quentin State Prison:
WILLIAMS: Good morning, governor, thanks so much for your–
SCHWARZENEGGER: Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it’s the chilling sound of your doom.
WILLIAMS: Oh, ha ha. Yes, I heard you have been in several movies. I haven’t seen any of them since I have been in prison for over twenty years.
SCHWARZENEGGER: No more complaining. No more “Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom.” Nothing!
WILLIAMS: Excuse me?
SCHWARZENEGGER: There is no bathroom!
WILLIAMS: Let’s just jump into this then. Over the last twenty years I’ve really made progress–I no longer support gang violence, and in fact, I have become something of an advocate for gang alternatives.
SCHWARZENEGGER: What about the guy you lobotomized? Did he get a refund?
SCHWARZENEGGER: Oh, you think you’re bad, huh? You’re a fucking choir boy compared to me! A CHOIR BOY!
WILLIAMS: That’s what I’m saying, governor. I’m completely harmless, an urban pacifist. I am helping young children, and using myself as an example. I want to continue doing that, if possible.
SCHWARZENEGGER: Are you crazy? I don’t even know anything about Mars.
WILLIAMS: Mr. Governor, I hate to be… difficult, but we really need to stay on track here. I only have 30 minutes here to convince you for my clemency. You don’t seem to be listening to me.
SCHWARZENEGGER: This is the plan: Get your ass to Mars.
SCHWARZENEGGER: I swear I will not kill anyone.
WILLIAMS: You won’t?! So are you granting me clemency then? Oh lord I don’t know what I can do to thank you!
SCHWARZENEGGER: I’m not a pervert! I was just looking for a Turbo Man doll!
WILLIAMS: So you’re not granting me clemency.
SCHWARZENEGGER: Of course; I’m a terminator.
SCHWARZENEGGER: We’re going to play a wonderful game called: “Who is my daddy, and what does he do?”
WILLIAMS: My father is dead. He doesn’t do anything.
SCHWARZENEGGER: It’s not a tumor!
WILLIAMS: No, it was a tumor. You have no interest in this case, do you.
SCHWARZENEGGER: I just had a terrible thought: What if this is a dream?
WILLIAMS: A nightmare’s more like it! No but seriously, I’m going to be executed soon.
SCHWARZENEGGER: If things have gone wrong, I’m talking to myself, and you’ve got a wet towel wrapped around your head.
WILLIAMS: I’m going to go back to my cell and prepare to die.
SCHWARZENEGGER: Hasta la vista, baby.
WILLIAMS: I figured you’d say that.
SCHWARZENEGGER: Ice to see you.