New Again


Angie Pontani. To run the NYC marathon dressed in a black and pink cheerleading costume, and to learn to drive a car so I don’t have to always ask Tara and Helen to take me places in the Pontan-o-Van! all the time! I know I can do it!

The World Famous *BOB*. To gather a herd of pastel miniature ponies and put them onto a huge glitter parade float shaped like a naked lady as me and Dirty Martini wave to the crowds, reminding them that yes, they are still in NYC!

Thomas Onorato, doorbitch. To eat less processed food, and find a better lip balm. When you’re a door person it can get pretty tuff out there! And make my book coming out with author Glenn Belverio this June on St. Martin’s press as much of a success as possible.

Dirty Martini. I achieved last years’—I met the man of my dreams and he wasn’t at the Slide!

Miss Guy. To fall in love.

DJ Dirty Jean. International travel as much as possible. I need to leave this city more often.

Lisa Hsu, promoter. Actually have fun at my own parties—to dance and enjoy the sets by the DJs I work so hard to bring.

DJ Seoul. Make loot in real estate and throw events for fun, not necessity.

Nur Khan, Maritime. Get as healthy as possible, to train for a kickboxing tournament, and grow my business

Dominique Keegan, The Glass. Floss more often.

Armand Van Helden. In ’05, it was to balance work and play. But I played too much. This year, the same, with the additional plan to start working out, but not in a gym.

Delia Gonzalez. ’05 resolution: To get glasses and wear them. It never happened. ”06 resolution: To get used to the darkness

Kevin McHugh, promoter. Get people to stop complaining about New York nightlife. Wish me luck.

Sam Valenti IV, Ghostly International. ”05: To get an office in NY, yes. ”06: To find new magic in the everyday.

Dan Snaith, Caribou. I think it’s good to resolve two things each year—one specific and attainable, and one nebulous and philosophical—so that when you fail to achieve the latter, you have at least achieved the former. Last year’s specific resolution was to increase the circumference of my right bicep by one and 3/8ths inches, so as to counterbalance the effects of a disease which left me disproportionately left-biased since my childhood. I failed at that. The philosophical resolution has become so nebulous that I no longer remember what it was. This year, I will become less duplicitous with the ones I love and more so with those I don’t. I will train my ears to hear four-part harmony instantaneously.

Julie Atlas Muz. To have at least one real orgasm a day. It’s harder than one might think, but it’s fun to try.

Princess Superstar. Last year’s was to quit smoking, which I did, and writing the “Quitting Smoking Song” really helped because now all these fans come up to me saying that they quit and the song helped them.’ Anytime I feel like smoking I see these fan’s faces in my head, and I can’t bring myself to light up. This year, I vow to have more sex!

Sherry Vine. No more smoking (I never get tired of that one!) and let go of stress and anxiety.

Lizzie Yoder, singer. To go home! I never know when to go home! I will be the queen of the Irish Goodbye. Oh, and I’m gonna think about quitting smoking.

Juan MacLean. To stay in the backstage area at shows that I play. This is a suggestion given to me by James Murphy. I tend to get into a lot of trouble because of becoming involved with people I meet at shows. I end up in some other country where I don’t speak the language, with people I don’t know, no jacket, no passport, no phone, just some people who said “Juan, come with us to the party,” like two days earlier.

Craig Pfunder, singer VHS OR BETA. I could be drinking less bourbon, and I smoke way too much. I’d love to cut back on both of these delicious vices. God, I feel so lonely after saying that.

Karl Hyde, Underworld. My ’05: To spend another year sober. So far, so good. Only a few days to go. This year, as the ’05 one worked for me best, I’m going to not change a winning formula.

Jason Lytle, Grandaddy. In ’05: Don’t die from some retarded drug or booze-related accident and finish the new album. And, yes, I have achieved both. In ’06: Strenuous outdoor activity, followed by very simple indoor piano exercises.

Laura Dawn, activist, singer. Last year: To do everything in my power to get the Republicans out of power. Luckily, they’re pretty much accomplishing that on their own.

DJ Junior Sanchez. To be an amazing father.

Brian Weitz, Animal Collective. In ’05, I had resolved to eat slower because I usually eat too much too fast and have a stomach ache afterwards. I eat healthier now, so I get less stomachaches but I still wolf it all down pretty quick. For ’06, I’ll work on the eating slower thing again. But I think my main resolution will be to spend more time in the water, whether it is scuba diving or just going to swim at the local pool since it only costs $1 for daily admission.

Leigh Lezark, Misshapes. To convince Greg K that he is not a teenage girl and that being a skeletwin is not the new black.

Jason Baron, owner Dark Room. My ’05 resolutions were to be nicer to people and no more random girls. In ’06: To be meaner to people and more random girls.

Murray Hill. To get the Murray Hill Show on TV, and eat a cheeseburger once a week at Great Jones.

Tommie Sunshine. To write a song for every Hollywood starlet and inevitably sleep with them. Ms. Lohan, Daddy is waitin’ for ‘ya.

Mylo. To quit music and write a violent and pretentious novel.

Ultragrrrl. I think this year’s resolution should be something I know I can do. So I resolve to sell a million records on my new label, Stolen Transmission.

Morgan Geist, Metro Area. Last year I said I’d do my first solo album in 8 years, and no, I didn’t keep it. I’m trying a reverse psychology resolution this time: “I shall not finish a solo album this year.”

Paul Oakenfold. I did achieve my ’05 resolution, which was to finish my album. I’ve done it with two weeks left to spare!

Michael T, Motherfucker. To get RAPED…on my BIRTHDAY!

Fancy, Fannypack. To work on my anagrams. A “resolutions” anagram story: “Oo slut siren”, resolutions, those things we make after “noel rots us. I” hear them as we “sit on our l.e.s.” and the “urine stools” waft up “our nose slit.” Our “lies on tour” that we make as our “souls tire on” “our snot isle.” But, it is the fortunes of change that “set our loins” afire like some “olsen suitor.” It is promise and possibility that “loiter on us” like a garment that we hope is “no loser suit.” So let us this year make “ire lost on us” and have “no, I lose ruts.” Let us reform, remake, replace, resolve, revolutionize, and have our resolutions be not “one sour list.”