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Morning Report 1/7/06Deathbed Confessions


This is a bad time for Jews, especially those — the vast majority, here and in Israel — who crave peace and who are currently in thrall to leaders who don’t.

What a bizarre situation when the loss of nearly dead Ariel Sharon is considered a blow to the chances for peace in the Middle East. I mean, it seems insane, considering that Sharon — Arik to his supporters and just another brick in the wall to everyone else — is no peacemaker. But compared with Bibi Netanyahu (the boss of Doug Feith and darling of America’s neocons), Sharon is, or was. Many reasonable Israelis prefer Sharon to various ineffective lefties, as well. That’s the terrible state of the Israeli-Palestinian death dance right now. And the Bush regime’s embrace of right-wing Israeli leaders hasn’t helped matters.

Attacks on Jews are also coming from all sorts of religious nuts, like Pat Robertson and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, both of whom want there to be no more Jews on the face of the Earth. Robertson wants to convert Jews into Christians, while Iran’s nutty leader simply wants all Jews dead.

Robertson says God struck down Sharon because the Israeli leader dared to give up the Jews’ land in the Gaza Strip. I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that the 77-year-old Sharon has a more squat body than even Barney Bush‘s — Sharon is no taller than a jockey yet weighs 290 pounds. Jon Stewart reminded viewers Thursday night that he was no doctor but gave a diagnosis anyway:

“I’m going to go with fat, age, and stress.”

And the current political situation is bad for Jews because Jack Abramoff, supposedly a religious Jew, is seen on TV clips wearing his Orthodox fedora — not to mention his funneling money to a sniper school in Israel that trains Jews to kill Arabs. Abramoff’s fashion tastes (dissected beautifully by the Washington Post‘s Robin Givhan in “Jack Abramoff, Wearing a Guilty Look”) are as bizarre as anything else in this developing saga of moral rot. I told you on September 29, in “You Don’t Know Jack — But You Will,” that you didn’t know Jack but that you would.

Did I just say that twice? Good. Repetition seems to be the only way people will eventually understand that Wampumgate is not only the scandal of a generation — its smoking guns include smoking and guns — but that it also reaches way up into the White House — beyond George W. Bush to Karl Rove.

As far as I can tell right now, however, Wampumgate falls short of enveloping the de facto president, Dick Cheney, who is not Jewish. Whether or not Cheney is linked to Wampumgate is irrelevant. The vise president is busy dismantling the Constitution, which is enough cause for concern. For the sake of Jews everywhere, thank God that Cheney’s not Jewish.

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