Remote Patrol


8th & Ocean

Tuesdays at 8:30 on MTV

If you missed the boat on the whole Laguna Beach phenomenon, never mind: You can still catch this new reality series produced by the same team. Way more cutthroat than America’s Next Top Model, it follows the machinations of 10 fledgling models in Miami apartments and the agents who yearn to exploit them.

Top Chef

Wednesdays at 10 on Bravo

As we learned from last year’s Hell’s Kitchen, cooking and cruel elimination ceremonies go together like rice and beans. But it looks like there’s some genuine talent in Top Chef‘s would-be food stars, who perform weekly tasks in hopes of impressing judges like Gramercy Tavern’s Tom Colicchio.

Suburban Shootout

Wednesdays at 9 on Oxygen starting March 22

Oxygen has been going out on a limb recently, positioning itself as the women’s network with a dark side. Joining edgy comedies like Campus Ladies and Nighty Night (back for a second, grotesque season on March 22) is
Suburban Shootout, a bizarre, deliciously dark humorous series about Mafia-style turf wars between bored, power-crazed housewives in a charming English village. Who says drive-by shootings aren’t an appropriate response to menopause?