A few weeks ago I held a protest of myself outside of the White House. It was very rainy, but some wonderful people came out to call me names and protest me. I found out that it’s very easy to protest outside the White House. There were three nice policemen on bikes that asked me my name, the name of my group, and how long I plan to protest. Then they radio the information back to someone in a pod beneath the earth who begins to secretly monitor you. But then you can protest—apparently anything—from wars and policies—to yourself or ice cream (only an asshole would protest ice cream—I think you know who you are—Sebastian “Bach.”) Another thing I learned is that you can’t stand still on the sidewalk in front of the White House, you have to stand in the street. You can only be on the sidewalk in front of the White House if you remain in constant motion (meaning walking—not running in circles, as I postulated to the secret service officer who asked me to move. People think it is hard to make those British soldiers in front of Buckingham Palace smile—it can also be hard to amuse some of those charged with protecting the White House.)
Before you watch the video of the protest, I just want to apologize for earlier saying that Sebastian Bach was the kind of “asshole” who would protest ice cream. I’m wrong. He wouldn’t. And good luck with the show Supergroup, Mr. Bach. I hope you win. Is it a contest? Well, whatever it is, good luck with it.
Here is the video.
And here are some of the signs I made.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on June 8, 2006