New York

Meet Alton Brown, Dorkis Majorkis!


Oh, Alton. Your shameless nerditude has no limit and for that reason, it’s still endearing, after all these years. Last night, on Iron Chef America’s honey battle (Pastry Chef Elizabeth Falkner vs. Cat Cora), Altie took a moment, as he always does, to educate the viewer about the secret ingredient. It starts off innocently enough, with the mad food scientist holding up glasses of the three varieties on hand: wildflower, clover, and buckwheat. But then, with no warning, he pulls up the sleeve of his T-shirt to expose what might be the least badass tat in the food world: a honeybee, or as Brown exclaimed, “Meet Apis Mellifera!”

The poor thing floats on Brown’s pale, formless, freckled upper arm. Next, he pulls out a couple of markers and proceeds to draw on himself in order to explain the honey-making process, pointing out the nectar-sucking probiscus, the honey stomach, for storage, and the little pollen-gathering hairs, which Altie makes sure to distinguish from his own shoulder hairs. Wow.

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