In a time of darkness, under the evil reign of John Malkovich—who sits upon a throne in a different soundstage from all the other cast members—a hero shall rise. But lo, there will be little rejoicing, for this farmer turned dragon rider named Eragon is but a pretty boy (newcomer Ed Speleers), somehow in possession of the only soap and clean clothes in all the land. And then shall cometh a big blue CGI dragon, voiced by Rachel Weisz and far lamer—physically and stylistically—than Sean Connery’s beast from 1996’s Dragonheart. As Eragon tries to save his home from the power-mad king, much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensues, especially in the scenes when singer Joss Stone plays a fortune-telling Gypsy, and even more so when songbirds Avril Lavigne and Jem foist themselves onto the soundtrack.