‘Armed & Famous’, The Scary Quote Show


Have you ever seen a show that frightened the shit out of you in the first five minutes? This, from only the first half of Armed & Famous, the new CBS show that trains LaToya Jackson, Jackass’s Jason “Wee Man” Acuna, Trish Stratus, Jack Osbourne, and Erik Estrada (a.k.a Ponch from Chips) to become reserve police officers in Muncie, Ind.:

“All my life I’ve always wanted to do two things. I’ve always wanted to work at McDonald’s, and I’ve always wanted to be a police officer.” —LaToya

“I want to have a badge. I want to get that call, ‘Wee Man, we need you in.'”—Wee Man

“She was already way trigger happy. She just released the whole gun on them,” Wee Man on LaToya.

“Rules governing the taser are you cannot possess one in the state of Indiana unless you have been tasered yourself.”—Jack Osbourne

“One of my testicles has become enlarged by getting zapped by a taser.”—Erik Estrada

How come you didn’t talk to mother or Jermaine or Tito or Michael about this?—LaToya’s brother Jackie, wondering if she had cleared her police-officer decision through the proper channels

“I love shooting guns. They make me feel good. I started shooting guns at six. At eight I shot my sister. and now I won two guns and feel very comfortable with them. “—Jack Osbourne

“I think the scariest thing i have every seen is LaToya loading a Glock 40 six feet away from me.”—Jack Osbourne

“Ponch just farted.”—Wee Man