Stuff You Need to Know to Avoid Cultural Ostracism


Illegal Mix Tapes

DJ Swindle and Frank Lyon’s Almatic, an occasionally splendid comingling of Nas and Al Green.

Enjoy your moment in the sun now, boys, before the cops hunt you down like dogs.

Feckless Fecundity

Let’s knock it off with all the fucking Boris side projects already.

Take some time off. No, really. We’ll be fine.

Transcendent Concert Experience

Bassist-troublemaker Pete Wentz’s abysmal failure to trigger any fantastic security-guard-whomping brawls during Fall Out Boy’s Hammerstein Ballroom gig last Tuesday night.

Don’t just stand there spinning in place, asshole, this is New York City.

Awkward Social Interaction

Declining at that show to explain to Ultragrrl that you missed the opening set from Permanent Me, the Long Island band she’s evidently managing, because you were in Queens at the time eating a grilled cheese sandwich.

She might not’ve taken it well.

Rampant Paranoia

Your creeping suspicion that all the people sending you the link to that Reh Dogg “Why Must I Cry” video because they figured you’d really like it are secretly insulting you.

Probably wellfounded.

Silver Linings

The post–Super Bowl lack of televised sports that, while depressing, will ensure that you may never hear John Mellencamp’s “Our Country” again.

It’s almost worth it.