New York

Happy freakin’ Valentine’s Day

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Clearly, God is with us when it comes to Valentine’s Day: It’s too embarrassing for couples and singles alike to be seen outdoors on this shameful night. Therefore, he sent a slush flood to deter even the cheesiest from living out their sick fantasies, like this woman, who is combing the city for heart-shaped ravioli. Then again, just when you think you have someone all figured out, her avatar turns out to be two fists marked “THUG LIFE.”

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