Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman give the Best Score award to Babel.
Toby and Kirsten give the Best Original Screenplay award to – NOOOOOOOOO! – Little Miss Sunshine. The voice over lady says that in order to write the script, Michael Arndt quit his job as assistant to Matthew Broderick. Fascinating! (Worst. Oscars. Ever.) J on the phone: “Little Miss Sunshine, ok, I admit, it’s not as good as National Lampoon’s Vacation, but it’s not as bad as Half fucking Nelson or Pans fucking Labyrinth.”
Backstage with Chris Connelly. What a tool.
J-Lo is back. Taco flavored keeeses! Cue the Dreamgirls girls doing their thing. Jennifer Hudson for President, please. Beyonce joins her on stage, rips her head off, and throws it at a horrified Ellen.
John Travolta and Queen Latifa: homosexual intifada in the house! Best original song: America’s Second Favorite Lesbian. Thanks her wife Tammy and four children and everyone she’s ever worked with. Ever. Plus Al Gore.