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And I Am Telling You…DIE!

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Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman give the Best Score award to Babel.

Toby and Kirsten give the Best Original Screenplay award to – NOOOOOOOOO! – Little Miss Sunshine. The voice over lady says that in order to write the script, Michael Arndt quit his job as assistant to Matthew Broderick. Fascinating! (Worst. Oscars. Ever.) J on the phone: “Little Miss Sunshine, ok, I admit, it’s not as good as National Lampoon’s Vacation, but it’s not as bad as Half fucking Nelson or Pans fucking Labyrinth.”

Backstage with Chris Connelly. What a tool.

J-Lo is back. Taco flavored keeeses! Cue the Dreamgirls girls doing their thing. Jennifer Hudson for President, please. Beyonce joins her on stage, rips her head off, and throws it at a horrified Ellen.

John Travolta and Queen Latifa: homosexual intifada in the house! Best original song: America’s Second Favorite Lesbian. Thanks her wife Tammy and four children and everyone she’s ever worked with. Ever. Plus Al Gore.

This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 25, 2007

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