America’s Second Favorite Lesbian sings the song from An Inconvenient Truth on a set with enough lights to illuminate Portugal for a month while a jumbotron screen in the background flashes helpful energy saving tips.
Enter Leonardo DiCaprio and Al Gore. “Is there anything you want to announce?” Leo teases. Gore, nearly as large as Andre Leon Talley, comes back by thanking Hollywood for their support in stopping global warming. Leo claims this is the first “green” Oscars. If you say so.
Ellen: “Because this show is green, the Academy wanted me to recycle some jokes from my career.”
Cameron Diaz, with cheekbones as large as Andre Leon Talley, presents the award for Best Animated Film. Happy Feet. Cut to CGI penguin flipping (flapping?) out. Director George Miller takes the stage with a tux tricked out to be penguin-ish. Fashion disaster, dude.
“Ladies and gentleman, Academy Award winning screenwriter Ben Affleck.” I still can’t get used to that. Endless montage about writers in the movies; David Cronenberg’s Naked Lunch conspicuously absent. Time for some big guns: Helen Mirren and Tom Hanks. Best Adapted screenplay. The Departed, hurrah! “Valium does work,” says Willian Monahan. Either that or the rest of your acceptance speech.