It’s the 79th Annual Academy Awards! WOOO HOOO! Could I possibly be any more excited? No. And what a very special moment it is for me, your humble film critic, to be live blogging the Oscars for the first time. It’s all I can do to contain my pee. As a half-breed homosexual, let me just say that as great as the Year of the Gay was (even if the whole thing did Crash and burn) I’m all a-tingle for 2007. Porque why, you ask? It’s the Year of the Other! Throw a rock in the Kodak Theater and you’ll hit a Mexican – and I don’t mean the ushers. I think the Year of the Black already happened, but in any case there are oodles of African Americans on hand, plus Brits galore, a “Rinko Kikuchi,” an ersatz Kazakh, and even a fat girl! You now that shit’s gone hella mainstream when Clint Eastwood makes one movie about white people that everyone ignores, then makes a Japanese movie that gets nominated for Best Picture. Best of all, we’ve got an honest to goodness Lesbian for hostess. I’m just so proud to be part of the media elite right now you don’t even know.
Will this be Marty’s year? Will Mel Gibson be seated next to Alan Arkin? Will the devil wear Prada? Will presenters get, like, political and stuff? And golly, what on earth will win Best Picture? I guess this is the part where I should admit that I actively hate two of the nominees (Babel, Little Miss Sunshine) and think two others are wildly overrated (Letters From Iwo Jima, The Queen). I’d be perfectly happy to see The Departed win the night, but I’m not holding my breath. To tell the truth, I was lying about my pee. These are pretty much the Worst Oscars Ever. So what I’m doing here? Basically, I just want to make fun of peoples’ clothes. The countdown is on!