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Reese Witherspoon and her freakish bony chin (et tu, Reese?) presents the Best Actor to Forrest Whitaker. “Through our combined belief we can create a new reality. I want to thank the people of Uganda. Mom. Dad.”

Coppola, Lucas, and Spielberg. And that can only mean – the Best Director award goes to – Martin Scorsese. The crowd goes absolutely batshit. Standing ovation. Rattles of a list of names, and considering how fast he talks, that’s basically everyone.

Here we go. Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson. Best Picture. And the Academy Award goes to…The Departed.

Best. Oscars. Ever.

This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 25, 2007

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