Half-new at most, this Running With Scissors–type tale of a precocious, effeminate teen who gets hot for teacher while prepping for a life in the arts isn’t evidently autobiographical. Neither is it funny—or poignant or insightful or remotely worth one’s time except as a reminder that Canadian indies can be every bit as feeble as American ones. Our hero is Emerson (Aaron Webber), a 13-year-old playwright-turned-novelist raised by hippie-dippy parents in Nova Scotia. How hippie-dippy? Mom (Rebecca Jenkins), upon discovering bedsheet traces of young Emerson’s first wet dream: “Sweetie, that’s wonderful!” Dad (Robert Joy), meanwhile, dreams of a business plan to make fuel out of human excrement. Director Amnon Buchbinder similarly yearns to create something precious from doo-doo.