A Florida Pol’s Meat-and-Greet


Until last week, Florida legislator Bob Allen‘s big number was 92.3, his approval rating from the Christian Coalition of Florida.

But then, as Bob Norman of the Broward/Palm Beach New Times wrote on July 12, the conservative Republican lawmaker tried to give away the wrong kind of hummer.

Allen’s luck changed forever on 7/11/07. At 3:33 p.m. that day, authorities say, he was arrested by a cop at a Titusville, Florida, park for allegedly offering to blow the cop for $20. OK, so it’s also funny that the park is at 10 Broad Street. But what’s really rich is Allen’s website banner, which features his smiling face squeezed between a big ol’ rocket blasting off and a man who’s simply in orbit.

Norman pointed out that Allen has campaigned against public masturbation. But for those (like me) who can’t get enough of exposing conservative Republican moralists who do more on their knees than just pray, here’s the cop’s semi-literate account of what went down in that Florida park’s bathroom between the lawmaker and the lawman:

. . . I walked out of the park and when I returned I observed that the white male, later identified as Robert Allen, had parked his car . . . As I walked back to the park I observed Allen walk into the men’s restroom. I sat down next to two other plain clothes officers in the park. I then observed Allen leave the restroom and walk towards a park bench.

I then entered the bathroom to adjust my police radio. On my way out of the restroom I almost bumped into Allen who was on his way into the restroom again. Allen changed his course of direction when he saw that I was leaving the restroom and when back towards his park bench. I talked with the other officers again and then entered the bathroom and began washing my hands.

Allen entered the restroom behind me and proceeded into the first stall. I realized that there were no paper towels to dry my hands so I walked in to the handicap stall to dry my hands. As I stood in the stall drying my hands I observed Allen look over the door of my stall and make eye contact with me. Allen then stepped away and then came back to the door of my stall and looked in, making eye contact with me again. I said “hey buddy” and Allen said “hi” and then stepped away again.

About 5 seconds later Allen pushed open the door to my stall and stepped inside. I was standing against the far wall of the stall. Allen closed the door behind him and stood against it. I said “whats up” and Allen again said “hi”. Allen then said “this is kind of a public place isn’t it.” I said “do you have somewhere else we can go”. Allen said “How about across the bridge. it’s quite over there”.

Allen engaged me in a conversation in which it was agreed that he would pay me $20.00 in order to perform a “blow job” on me. Allen stated that he wanted me to ride with him across the river before he performed the act and gave me the money. Before entering Allen’s vehicle I identified myself as a police officer and detained him.

Obviously forsaking his own staff, Allen had just rolled one-eyed-snake eyes.