Tony ‘n’ Tina’s Wedding


Never had a chance to catch the long-running Off-Broadway show
Tony ‘n’ Tina’s Wedding
? Don’t worry—the not-exactly-long-awaited movie version is here, trading in stereotypes just as ineptly as the original. Newbie director Roger Paradiso has decided to film the wedding with a shaky handheld camera, as if through the eyes of a flamboyantly gay videographer with a pan-European accent. This format doesn’t leave much room for a story to develop; instead, it simply invites us to marvel at the tackiness of these ethnic caricatures and ridicule their mauve eye shadow, affected Long Island squawks, and bad decision-making (one bridesmaid tosses down drink after drink while pregnant). Tina (Mila Kunis) starts out as an ingenue, but as soon as she murmurs “I do,” she morphs into an untamable shrew; Joey McIntyre (yes, the New Kid on the Block) is bland and boring as her betrothed. In a PR stunt presumably designed to catapult Tony ‘n’ Tina into the ranks of cult-moviedom, women wearing wedding dresses get in free to the film’s midnight screenings, and if you have a desperate longing to get married stat, there will be a “registered wedding officiator” at the theater to help you “really, truly, legally tie the knot.”