For six whole weeks, a local comedy group has sent me (and I presume other press people) a getting-to-know-you gift every single day in hopes of grubbing some media notice. I’m talking 30 freakin’ gifts! That’s more than Christina Crawford had to give to children less privileged than herself every Christmas! As a result, my trash pail is now filled with mints, a tie, lube, headache pills, Vaseline, and a “What would Jesus do?” keychain, though I did keep the box of chocolates, belch. Well, if anyone from the group happens to be reading this instead of scouring the shelves at Walgreens, why don’t you guys stop throwing money away and instead send $100 to a known AIDS charity and prove to me that you actually did? If so, I will finally give you the mention you so crave, and though it won’t necessarily be a nice one and it will only be in the blog, not in the paper, you’ll still be wetting your knickers over it.
If you’re NOT reading this, fuck you, nyah nyah.