Bye, Heath. I Wish You Hadn’t Quit Us!


Rather than add to the chorus of media people moaning “What a brave and wondrously diverse talent trapped in a pretty boy’s body,” I was planning to instead quote some realer comments from posters on the hideously skank and dishonorable yet ever-readable gay gossip site, But they’re falling all over themselves with respect too.

Among their remarks:

“Look for Cate Blanchett to dedicate her I’m Not There Oscar to Heath.”

“Why couldn’t it have been Britney or Paris? It’s not a fair world.”

“I hope he wasn’t trying to pull a stunt like the big-nosed Wilson guy, trying to get attention to help his career.”

“So the first thing the maid and the masseuse saw when they walked into the room was Heath’s naked butt? Lucky bitches!”

“There’s no one talented enough to play Heath in the inevitable biopic, whereas it’s really easy to cast Jake (Zac Efron).”

And finally, in a poignant thread about Amy Winehouse: “Can we get Heath back if this crazy, talentless cunt promises to OD?” No, but at least I can search her remains and get my watch back.

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