News & Politics

A Scene from a Marriage: McCain and Giuliani Negotiate a Deal


A Play in One Act*

“Just promise me one thing John, you will always take my calls?”

“Are you kidding? Anytime Rudy!”

“And Tony Carbonetti’s too?”

“Err, ok..”

“And can Judi please have something, a beautification commission maybe?”

“Uh, I did sort of tell Cindy she could have that…”

“Well, forget beautification. Judi would be great for any kind of health thing. You know she’s a nurth! You could put her on your health insurance commission, not as chairman obviously, but vice chair I think would be perfect.”

“Rudy, here’s my hand on it. I don’t know what the right job is but I promise we will find something for her.”

“John, I promised Judi I’d come back with something. Please let me tell her the health thing at least will happen.”

“Rudy, you’re making this harder than it needs to be…”

“HARDER FOR WHO? YOU won the damn primary! What do I get? I gotta got out there and convince 100 clients I am still a player. Why the Sultan of Dubai bailed out on a $20 million deal already this morning.”

“Rudy, you are just going to have to tell Judi I gave my word, that should be worth something to her.”

“It won’t work. You don’t know her John. She told me you’re going to take this endorsement today and then blow us off for the next eight years.”

“Rudy, it’s too soon, you’re getting way ahead of things here. Relax. C’mon we’re overdue for the press conference”

“John, I have to live with this woman! You can’t do this to me. I am not going out there…”

“OK, OK, ok. IF I’m elected and when we put a health commission together Judi will be on it. I promise. Now let’s go.”


“Oh for Christ’s sake. As a vice chair.”

“I get it. Yeah that could work. She’ll buy it. C’mon buddy let’s go out there. I love you pal.

“Ouch dammit, not so tight that’s my bad arm.”

*We can only suppose that it went something like this. Or worse.


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