Claymates are the slowest bunch of doody heads to grace this earth since their miscreant parents voted Bush into the White House. Shameless worshipers of singer Clay Aiken, they clog up the web writing anonymous posts about how drop-dead gorgeous and ultra sweet he is and how they happen to know he’s 100%, incontrovertibly straight! These head injury victims are so last century they actually think it’s an insult to say someone’s gay. In all their ignorant denial, they use as backup
the fact that Clay is unfailingly generous—as if a gay can’t do charity work! Ironically, it’s because of these Middle American mo haters that Clay can’t come out! His people surely tell him, “You must stay ambiguous, hon. There are still swarms of dummos out there who buy your music while clinging to the idea that you like women! In fact, they’re your main demographic. So let’s not wake them up, OK?” Thanks, you stoops. You’re so dimwitted you don’t even realize that just by reading this and getting mad, you’re helping my blog! Go ahead, get out there and vote some more Republicans into the White House just like your inbred folks did. Four more years of Clay’s lobotomizing music can help sugarcoat all the lies and hypocrisy!
Disclosure: In all fairness, I should point out that not every Claymate is a complete psycho. I’d say about one out of nine is a reasonable person with fairly decent taste who was somehow led astray by horrid peer pressure. But that doesn’t make them any less offensive!
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 4, 2008