People I Hate…


Note to TV reporters: this is ‘Hillbilly Heroin.’

The ones who block an exit by standing there when 200 people are trying to leave.

A cashier who assumes that since you’re on your cell phone, you won’t notice they’re only giving you half your change.

Cab drivers who insist your credit card didn’t work for some obscure technical reason and you’ll have to pay in cash, knowing full well it DID work and they’ll get double payment.

Anyone who compulsively sends you dozens of useless old YouTube videos every day, assuming every single TV appearance of, say, Della Reese will prove endlessly fascinating.

The ones who take five days to answer—or even see—an email you sent, then wonder why they’re complete failures.

“Gotcha!” types who e-mail in droves to say stuff like, “You misspelled Hillary.”

People who send MTV an unsolicited proposal, then spend years saying, “I’m in negotiation with MTV for a show.”

Guys who, without having been asked, tell you “I’m sober!” as coke dribbles out of their noses like whitewater rapids.

TV reporters who cover Heath Ledger’s death without noting that Oxycontin is known as “hillbilly heroin.”

Closeted gay celebrities who tell the press, “I have no sex life. I’m too busy for it!”

And Claymates! Though they’ve been nice enough to come to my blog in droves and lap up all the insults. Hi, dummos!