iVoice: Nellie MacKay’s New Record, the IM Chat

McKayver: For my next release I have narrowed down the song choices from 100,000 to an even 240.

McKayver: If we put ten songs on each disc we can release it in two boxed set volumes of 12 discs each.

McKayver: The cover of volume 1 is me giving you the finger with the title “Norah Jones Can Eat Shit.”

RecordProducer: we can’t do that

McKayver: We can market it toward young people who like jazz music but think it needs more cursing.

RecordProducer: we’re making one album with a super thin cardboard cover and you only get ten songs

RecordProducer: let’s have them, your ten best

McKayver: all right, track one is a ragtime composition where I stop in the middle to battle rap Frank French

McKayver: track two is called BEER ME O LORD and I play the Flamenco Guitar with my elbows and it kinda sounds like shit, but that’s what I’m going for

McKayver: then for track three we change gears completely with chamber music~!

McKayver: then some light instrumental jazz where I sign in portuguese

McKayver: are you liking this

the back of the album is going to be a candid photo of me hugging a pigeon

RecordProducer: sigh

what’s the last song on the album

McKayver: it’s a really straight-forward, beautifully performed, catchy song where my influences shine and I really come into my own.

RecordProducer: whoa, really? sweet

McKayver: and in the chorus we have, say, babies screaming

RecordProducer: no

McKayver: gunshots, old people screaming, blood splatter

RecordProducer: no

McKayver: chainsaws, howling dogs

RecordProducer: no

McKayver: zombie noises

RecordProducer: no

sigh, okay, zombie noises

McKayver: excellent! a really straight-forward, beautifully performed, catchy song with zombie noises!

McKayver: /plays piano like psychopath

/does not blink

RecordProducer: we’re going to be poor and weird forever

McKayver: but you love me right

RecordProducer: more than anything in the world