TABLOIDED: Hillary’s Comeback


Well, we didn’t see that one coming with the Texas and Ohio primaries. We doubt the Post and the News did either, since a lot of the coverage has a “Hillary? Really?” tone to it. Sure, there’s plenty of “Comeback Kid” metaphors in the tabs (look at the front page), but for two papers that were all but ready to anoint Obama the nominee (and had practically forgotten that Clinton existed), there’s an awkward, “Oh, you’re still here?” narrative playing out.

The Post‘s “HILL YEAH” headline gets echoed inside the paper, where her Ohio and Texas victories are called a “Hill-raising” double win. The implication here is that Hillary is the boogey(wo)man, coming back from the dead for the final scare. News columnist Errol Louis notes that the proposed “dream team” ticket of Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama would be a “nightmare” for everyone involved. We really are waiting for Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger to jump out of the page today. After all, the News banner head is “BLOOD IN THE WATER.” Cue the Jaws theme.

Clinton’s victory also seems to restore the natural order to the universe in the the News seems to remember that the paper endorsed her in the New York primary and the Post is behind Obama. Beyond the “aw shucks, she won” coverage, the analysis in the News touts Bam’s loss of momentum while the Post pulls out charts and graphs on how Obama is a better candidate in the general election against McCain. (Oh yeah, McCain clinched the nomination last night, how could we forget?)

The other story getting a fair amount of play today is the Sean Bell trial. Both papers have columnists who note that the prosecution is on the ropes. The News‘ Denis Hamill likens Detective Hispolito Sanchez’s testimony to that of an Alzheimer’s patient, as the officer said he didn’t remember much about the night in question. Hispolito was undercover inside the club the night of the shooting. Andrea Peyser continues to prattle on in the Post about how the prosecution is doing a “slipshod” job and mentions how “raunchy” Kalua was. Amnesia also set in with Detective Michael Oliver, as Lt. Michael Wheeler testified that Oliver “blacked out” after firing 31 shots. Does anyone remember anything?

At least the tabs remembered to include “highlights” from the testimony in sidebars. Let’s just be glad they forgot to recount a “funny moment” from yesterday.

Odds and Ends
When we saw the front of the News had a strip headline proclaiming “The Great Burger King Whopper Whipping,” we initially assumed it would be coverage of some sort of YouTube beatdown video in a fast food restaurant. Imagine our surprise when it turns out to be a story about an Albanian brother and sister who are squabbling with Burger King corporate over being forced to include the value menu at their Manhattan stores. Elizabeth and Luan Sadik say the 99-cent items are ruining their bottom line.

A tabloid favorite reappears today. Both papers have pictures of a hefty Lisa Marie Presley chowing down in Los Angeles. Speaking of celebrity spawn, the Post includes a photo from Harper’s Bazaar of Demi Moore with her three daughters.

Meanwhile, the fish tank that recently opened in the Staten Island Ferry terminal has been losing several of its tropical fish, the Daily News reports. Officials say it’s because of adjustment to the ecosystem, but one ferry rider surmises that it may be a case of “survival of the fittest.” Maybe one of the fishes should be named “Hillary.”