Film

Britney’s Umbrella Victim Speaks Out for the First Time

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I can always turn to the Atlantic magazine for deeply serious explorations of contempo political topics—like the April issue’s interview with Dano, the photographer whose truck was beaten by Britney Spears with her umbrella, ella ella, eh, eh eh. In the article, called “Shooting Britney,” Dano describes for the first time the mortal fear he faced as the hairless pop tart went after his vehicle with her Totes.

As the piece puts it, “The X17 guys had followed Britney to Kevin’s house, but he wouldn’t buzz her in. ‘She wanted to see her kids,’ Dano says. ‘We came out and took pictures.’ Then Spears and her friend Alli drove around to the corner of a Jiffy Lube, where Alli opened her door and asked the photographers to please leave them alone. Britney stuck her head out of the car, too. ‘She took her hat off and she was bald,’ Dano says of the moment that made him the most celebrated photographer in America that week. “She was breathing like a bull. It was like smoke was coming out of her nostrils. Then she leaps out of the door, screaming ‘Motherfuckers!’ “

Scary, right? Even more terrifying than Mary Poppins on a low sugar day? Well, no, actually. The article goes on to say, “When the umbrella attack video went viral, Dano put his Ford Explorer on eBay. Bidding went over $30,000 before he took the car off the market. Stills and videos of the incident sold for nearly $400,000.” They did? Oooh! Come get me, you bald bitch!