Ho, Ho, Ho


Santa Claus wasn’t the only big shot in D.C. who was expected to come

Every pol needs strokes, but Eliot Spitzer violated the thrust of that axiom.

When “Kristen” the ‘ho blew him — and you can bet her sweet ass she did, for that kind of money — he blew his own teensie-wienie chances for higher office.

When will he give the hackneyed speech that he’s “retiring to be with my family” because “politics is more than just about individuals”? When is the guy going to pull out?

Talk about stereotypical male behavior: Spitzer gets laid by a hooker on the eve of Valentine’s Day and then retires for the night — in his case, every night after that.

The ‘ho identified in the federal complaint as “Kristen” — see “Spitzer is Said to Leave Deposits With Hookers” — is the only taste of an oval office that New York’s governor will ever get.

You could have seen him in a Democratic administration of the future, probably as an appointee hanging around the White House. But not after his being identified in the complaint as “Client-9” trysting the night away with the woman whom the complaint did not identify as “Hooker-69.”

In other state bidness involving Spitzer:

Thanks to colleague Michael Musto, who gave me props on his matchless “Daily Musto” blog for my future headline “Spitzer Comes and Goes.” I’d guess it’s not the first plug Musto has handed out. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

It seems perfect that Spitzer was getting some sugar at a hotel across the street from a Dunkin Donuts. He should have chosen the cinnamon buns.

Even in war-torn Pakistan, where it’s the 16th day of bullshit national elections and crazed bombers are at large and the huge country is dangerously on meltdown alert, Spitzer made news. Here’s an excerpt from Dawn, a big paper in Karachi, which is the New York City of Pakistan. It’s a fine rewrite job that concisely explains the context of “crusader” Spitzer’s probe of a single prostitute:

Spitzer, 48, built his political legacy on rooting out corruption, including several headline-making battles with Wall Street while serving as attorney general.

He stormed into the governor’s office in 2006 with a historic share of the vote, vowing to continue his no-nonsense approach to fixing one of the nation’s worst governments.

Time magazine had named him “Crusader of the Year” when he was attorney general and the tabloids proclaimed him “Eliot Ness.”

A stumbling, bumbling, drunken governor — that we could take. A moralistic “crime fighter” who has been so proud of rousting prostitutes yet pays them himself is of course something else.

Spitzer would have been better off if, after traveling to D.C. to talk to other government officials about the lay of the land in New York state, he had been caught three sheets to the wind instead of snoring beneath one heavily stained sheet.