New York

Bush Declares Victory!

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White House releases beta version of Iraq 5.0.

After five long years, the United States has finally secured victory in the War on Terror, George W. Bush declared today.

I’m as surprised as you are. This is what the president said this morning at the Pentagon:

“The surge has done more than turn the situation in Iraq around — it has opened the door to a major strategic victory in the broader war on terror.”

The announcement comes 5.0 years after the U.S. invasion of Iraq and 4.9 years after Bush declared, “Mission accomplished!”

In this morning’s speech, Bush also said:

“In Iraq, we are witnessing the first large-scale Arab uprising against Osama Bin Laden. And the significance of this development cannot be overstated.”

The BBC’s report on the speech notes:

Meanwhile in Iraq, a female suicide bomber killed six people at a bus station in Balad Ruz in Diyala province, according to Iraqi police.

And near the northern city of Kirkuk, US troops shot dead three Iraqi policemen by mistake, an incident officials described as “a tragic accident, which was sincerely regretted”.

Don’t let that spoil your celebration.