iVoice: A Place To Bury Strangers IM Chat

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Apartment Building Chat!

larry: Come on, I’m going to show you around the city!

balki: but cousin i am not from this country! my naivete and poor mastery of english will result in hilralrious misunderstandings!

oliver_ackermann: /gets off elevator

Oh, hey! I don’t think I’ve met you guys yet. I’m Oliver, I just moved in. I’m in this band called–

larry: AAAAAAHH

balki: aaaaaaa

**OnlineHost** larry and balki have left the chatroom.

oliver_ackermann: sigh

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Bedford Ave Bodega Chat!

cashier: … where are your brothers and sisters?

kevin_mccallister: I’m an only child.

cashier: Well where do you live?

kevin_mccallister: I can’t tell you that.

cashier: Why not?

kevin_mccallister:

cush you’re a shtranger

oliver_ackermann: /walks up to counter

A box of Camel Lights, please.

cashier: AAAAAAAHHH

/runs away

oliver_ackermann: sigh

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Spoonbill & Sugartown Booksellers Chat!

oliver_ackermann: /finds “absurdist fiction” shelf

Oh, neat! I haven’t read this one yet!

oliver_ackermann: /picks up book

albert_camus_novel: AAAAAAHH

/grows legs, runs away

oliver_ackermann: sighhhhhhhhh

oliver_ackermann: /checks watch

welp

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Music Hall of Williamsburg Chat!

oliver_ackermann: /takes stage

WHAT’S UP BROOKLYN

fog_machine: /whoooooooooosh

crowd: WOOOOOO

IT’S THE LOUDEST FUCKIN BAND IN NEW YORK

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oliver_ackermann: Thank you! Thank you so much! This means a lot. . . it’s been a hard day.

crowd: IT’S OKAY, APTBS!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

oliver_ackermann: and … and you don’t mind if I find a place to bury you?

crowd: … WHAT

oliver_ackermann: /produces shovel, truncheon

well, i mean, that’s sort of our thing

crowd: HOLY FUCK

oliver_ackermann: Yeah, we were really honored to have them tour with us.

So who’s first? Clear a pit, everybody!

crowd: /weeps

oliver_ackermann: god damn

the noise-rock scene is fuckin dead.

oliver_ackermann: this really isn’t what I meant by “death by audio.”

guess i won’t need this

/drops truncheon