Spencer Pratt from the fake reality show The Hills has gotten himself a REAL job—writing an advice column for Radar magazine—though as a columnist with a much longer track record, I’d like to give HIM some advice about how to hone his act a bit. Yo, Spencer, your answer to the person who wrote in about a coworker that smells like blue cheese was quite reasonable (“Write a note that says ‘Please shower’ and sign it ‘the entire office’) and your response to the one about the brother who wants to join the army was OK, I guess. (“If your brother is brave enough to get shot, it’s his choice and you should support him”). But then there was the guy’s query about his girlfriend who wants a threesome and whether he should stick around. You told the gentleman yes, do so, “but wear a condom. If she’s that into threesomes, who knows what else she’s into (or who’s been into her).” Newsflash, Spence: EVERYONE’S into threesomes and much more than that, honey. Da kidz are into really kooky, crazy shit these days! And even if someone isn’t into threesomes, does that mean you shouldn’t wear a condom because they’ve obviously never been fucked before? Come on, you scumbag—I mean, you scumbag-phobic reality star. Get wise! Otherwise, you’re doing fine, kid. End of advice.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on March 25, 2008