As the baseball season is off to a crazy start: rained-out Opening Days that require a do-over (Yankees), a star pitcher returning to the mound only to be injured again (the Mets and Pedro Martinez), another season seems to be all-but-ignored around here: election season. As I’ve previously noted, the election news cycle right now is somewhat dead: we have our presumptive Republican nominee in John McCain, but the Democratic slugfest is still chugging along. With the next major primary three weeks away, we’re getting some bottom-of-the-barrel, “what the hell do we cover?” stories on the candidates, as the horse race is meekly trotting along at this point.
Clinton’s “sniper fire” controversy is pretty much exhausted, so what do we have to parse apart now? How about Barack Obama’s bowling average? Obama appeared at a Pennsylvania bowling alley over the weekend and scored a miserable 37/300. How bad is that? Well, I’ll put it this way: my cat could probably do a better job if I stuck a Wii remote around his neck, turned on the bowling game and let him walk around the house.
The Daily News decides to have a little fun with Obama’s lack of skills by interviewing a 10-year-old New Jersey girl who scored a 47 while bowling at Chelsea Piers. Little Gabriella Lamas offers Obama such smart tips as “You have to look at the pins when you throw it.” Get this girl a cabinet a position!
The News also reports that the Hillary Clinton campaign’s April Fools joke was to challenge Obama to a bowl off, a la Kingpin. We can only pray that one of the late-night variety shows can make this happen. Although the funniest part of the article may be Gabriella’s mom, Hilda, lamenting the lack of enthusiasm for bowling these days, when she calls bowling a “nice, pure sport.” Has she ever been to league night?
Kingpin isn’t the only sports movie being referenced by Democratic candidates. Clinton compared herself to Rocky Balboa while stumping at an AFL-CIO meeting in the fictional boxer’s hometown of Philly. The Post has a field day with this, featuring a photoshopped illustration of Clinton as a boxer. The “tale of the tape” compares Clinton to Rocky on such categories as “embarrassing relative” (Rocky: Paulie, Hillary: Bill) and “number of sequels” (Rocky: Five, Hillary: “Trying for third–first lady, senator and now president”).