The Greatest Show on Earth? Charlton Heston’s Privates!


Don’t you hate when, in a fit of housecleaning, you throw some shit out you haven’t touched in years, then the next day it turns out you suddenly need it! This has happened to me with all manner of sarongs, tiaras, dildos, and the Best Actor trophy from my high school “Sing.” And now with a naked photo of Charlton Heston! I had ripped it out of a book, amazed that the hunky actor had shown it all for an arty portrait in which the lithe, lean body that was hinted at in Ben Hur veritably throbbed in all its unclothed glory. And the dick! Honey, it made you want to scream, “Get Hur!” (Or maybe “Big Ben!”) That thing could cause a whole lot of agony and ecstasy! Anyway, I foolishly threw the photo out and now I wish I had it so I could post it for you good people and prove that, though he was an often hamfisted actor and a gun advocate, Heston was an extremely hot piece of work. And with that thing between his legs, he didn’t need a gun. May his piece rest in peace.