I said Hermes, not herpes!
Black comics who try to sound “blacker” to pander to the audience.
Gay comics who try to sound LESS “gay” to pander to the audience.
People who say, “Let’s get together this weekend,” so you arrange something as a favor,
and then they stand you up.
Ninety-year-old relations (other people’s, mind you) who can barely remember their own names, but WILL remember to ask you crushing things like, “When are you gonna become a real reporter?” (But I still love ’em. Other people’s relations, that is.)
JPM Chase mortgage brokers who say they can get you 5.625%, then send you papers for 5.75%, then lock you in at 6.375%. And you’re a “preferred customer”! (Again, this happened to, you know, someone else.)
Guys who promise you Hermes, but only give you herpes.
And mostly: Women who flirt with me in gay bars. Thanks, God. Got anything
with an appendage?