iVoice: Pete Wentz Writes a Polar Bear Song over IM


FromWentzItCame: /holds camera above head, pulls out wiener

/throws up horns, makes fish face

StumpTheYard: hey pete, whatcha up to

FromWentzItCame: sighhhh nm just trying to finish writing this song

maybe you could help?

StumpTheYard: sure, I’m always willing to help. What do you have so far?

FromWentzItCame: it’s a song about polar bears titled “plr br”

that’s all I’ve got so far >.

StumpTheYard: okay well you already took out the vowels, today’s kids will be able to follow it

StumpTheYard: have you tried adding a complete sentence before or after plr br? that might get the ol’ greasy juices flowin’

FromWentzItCame: *lament* ya for a while the song was called “y/n 2 B that is the question, whether tis nobler in th plr br”

FromWentzItCame: an i hopped in a circle on it for a few hrs but it just never flt rght

StumpTheYard: would it help if when I’m singing “polar bear” I only sing the first half of the word? Like, I can go PAH! LER BAH!

StumpTheYard: AH! GOT NO TOY! FOR PLAH BAH! instead of “i’ve got no time for polar bears” et al.

FromWentzItCame: lol ^_^ ya that would rilly help

FromWentzItCame: ~!!! (idear)

u know what would rilly help, if i looked up the wrd “br” in my homonym dictionary

FromWentzItCame: that way i could cm up wth a series of convoluted plays on wrds that have nothing 2 do w/ the song

StumpTheYard: That’s a great idea! Isn’t that what you’ve done for the last seven years?

FromWentzItCame: bly

FromWentzItCame: i could cll the sng “an eskimo freezes his balls off when he’s polar bare”

and then the song could be about a relationship gone wrong

StumpTheYard: yesss you could call it “amy poehler had a headache so she took some polar bayer”

and then the song could be about remembering a past relationship

FromWentzItCame: “election stresses were more than the poller could bear”

and then the song could be about the excitement of a new relationship

StumpTheYard: as long as it’s about a relationship

FromWentzItCame: well doy wh d y thnk _ m

**Online Host**

Ashlee Simpson has entered the chatroom!

DumbAsh: hay guys what’s goin awn

FromWentzItCame: hey bb /licks computer screen

DumbAsh: what’re you doin’ later, I was thinking we could go out and get tattoos of each others names and then get them removed

FromWentzItCame: o thatd be s. grt

c u ltr patrick i’m gonna go be a creepy 15 yr old w/ my gf

StumpTheYard: shouldn’t you stay home and finish writing that song, i need it for singing

DumbAsh: shut up you don’t know what it’s like to be a punk, living on the fringe of the shadows in a word that’s left you by
StumpTheYard: ashlee you are not even good enough for pete wentz
DumbAsh: You don’t know me! You don’t know me! If you want my autobiographay, then baby just ask me!

StumpTheYard: you mean autograph?

do you even know what words mean

DumbAsh: /stands motionless for several seconds

/dances jig

/demands engagement ring

FromWentzItCame: epc fl

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