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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Coachella Chat! |
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TheHalfBloodPrince: All right, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m now going to play “Creep.”
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TheHalfBloodPrince: I know it’s a big deal for me to be covering Toad the Wet Sprocket, but you know how protective I am of my music. |
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TheHalfBloodPrince: As such, if I catch you recording this performance, uploading it to YouTube, or mentioning it to your friends or family, I will personally garrote you with my neckerchief. |
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guy_with_camera: hey what’d he just say
his words were drowned out by the “magic fingers” vibrating motel bed i wheeled out here, on top of which i placed a trampoline
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guy_with_camera: durrrr
/presses ‘record’
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TheHalfBloodPrince: /plays “Creep,” does not utter the word “Creep” even once |
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crowd: WOOOOOO
we are ignorant of prince’s body of work but he’s the guy who played basketball with charlie murphy and he’s playing the only radiohead song we know so WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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guy_with_camera: awriiight
/attempts to steady camera while bouncing on trampoline
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TheHalfBloodPrince: /squints into crowd
HEY
HEY
ARE YOU RECORDING MY PERFORMANCE?
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guy_with_camera: uh
oopsth
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TheHalfBloodPrince: AAAAAAGH |
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**OnlineHost** Prince has morphed into the monster from Cloverfield. |
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TheHalfBloodPrince:
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
/lays waste to venue
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crowd: AAAAAAHH |
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guy_with_camera: WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE |
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**OnlineHost** The crowd has taken refuge in the sewers. |
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guy_with_camera: /keeps recording
oh man this is huge, i can’t believe that just happened
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Lily: Did you hear that? |
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Marlena: Hear what? |
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**OnlineHost** The crowd is attacked by a pack of alien spiders. |
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Lily: Oh my God, are you okay? Were you bitten? |
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Marlena: yeah, i’m fine
i just feel weird
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Marlena: all of a sudden i have an appreciation for prince’s earlier works |
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Marlena: like, i can listen all the way through “Billy Jack Bitch” without it annoying the piss out of me |
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Marlena: i want to listen to “Lady Cab Driver” on loop so i can listen to him screw the lady cab driver for like three minutes |
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Marlena: i…i think i’m starting to understand “Bob George”
i think it’s a passive-aggressive critique on the state of rap music and a diatribe against the caveman alpha-male mindset, imbued with more personal narrative than prince would care to admit and AAAAAHH
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**OnlineHost** Marlena has exploded. |
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Lily: OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE |
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guy_with_camera: okay okay okay we need to make our way to the graffiti bridge |
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- ProgressiveBoink.com
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