iVoice: Prince Covers “Creep” Over IM, Coachellafield Ensues

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Coachella Chat!

TheHalfBloodPrince: All right, ladies and gentlemen.

I’m now going to play “Creep.”

TheHalfBloodPrince: I know it’s a big deal for me to be covering Toad the Wet Sprocket, but you know how protective I am of my music.

TheHalfBloodPrince: As such, if I catch you recording this performance, uploading it to YouTube, or mentioning it to your friends or family, I will personally garrote you with my neckerchief.

guy_with_camera: hey what’d he just say

his words were drowned out by the “magic fingers” vibrating motel bed i wheeled out here, on top of which i placed a trampoline

guy_with_camera: durrrr

/presses ‘record’

TheHalfBloodPrince: /plays “Creep,” does not utter the word “Creep” even once

crowd: WOOOOOO

we are ignorant of prince’s body of work but he’s the guy who played basketball with charlie murphy and he’s playing the only radiohead song we know so WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

guy_with_camera: awriiight

/attempts to steady camera while bouncing on trampoline

TheHalfBloodPrince: /squints into crowd

HEY

HEY

ARE YOU RECORDING MY PERFORMANCE?

guy_with_camera: uh

oopsth

TheHalfBloodPrince: AAAAAAGH

**OnlineHost** Prince has morphed into the monster from Cloverfield.

TheHalfBloodPrince:

REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

/lays waste to venue

crowd: AAAAAAHH

guy_with_camera: WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE

**OnlineHost** The crowd has taken refuge in the sewers.

guy_with_camera: /keeps recording

oh man this is huge, i can’t believe that just happened

Lily: Did you hear that?

Marlena: Hear what?

**OnlineHost** The crowd is attacked by a pack of alien spiders.

Lily: Oh my God, are you okay? Were you bitten?

Marlena: yeah, i’m fine

i just feel weird

Marlena: all of a sudden i have an appreciation for prince’s earlier works

Marlena: like, i can listen all the way through “Billy Jack Bitch” without it annoying the piss out of me

Marlena: i want to listen to “Lady Cab Driver” on loop so i can listen to him screw the lady cab driver for like three minutes

Marlena: i…i think i’m starting to understand “Bob George”

i think it’s a passive-aggressive critique on the state of rap music and a diatribe against the caveman alpha-male mindset, imbued with more personal narrative than prince would care to admit and AAAAAHH

**OnlineHost** Marlena has exploded.

Lily: OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE

guy_with_camera: okay okay okay we need to make our way to the graffiti bridge