This gossip report about my gal Lindsay Lohan‘s plans to rehabilitate her life popped up on imdb.com, so I’ll relay it to you in quotes and add my own delightful comments about it in spams of capital letters. Here goes:
“Lindsay Lohan is putting her troubled past behind her once and for all and is already looking ahead to marriage and babies.” YEAH, WITH SAMANTHA RONSON!
“Looking to her future, she’s already decided she wants Dolce+Gabbana to design her wedding dress.” YEAH, AND SAMANTHA RONSON’S TOO! IN FLANNEL!
“And she admits her love of all things European has fueled her dream to bring up her future kids on the continent. She adds, ‘I love Europe. I love the culture. It’s so diverse. If I lived in Europe, I’d definitely speak three languages, and I’d definitely want to raise my children there too’.” “YES,” SHE ADDS, SAUCILY. “I AM INDEED A RATHER CUNNING LINGUIST! GET IT? CUNNING LINGUIST! HA HA HA HA!”
Oh, but wait a minute! Lindsay’s publicists say the lesbian thing is completely not true. Oh, OK. Never mind.