Shyamalan’s Latest Shocker Ending!


Auteur (as opposed to amateur) writer/director M. Night Shyamalan is known for those twist endings that leave you beating on yourself for not having gotten it halfway through (and occasionally for having spent $11). He’s certainly a master of the final kick in the pants before he send you home screaming and vomiting. If he had directed Thelma and Louise, the gals would no doubt have been ALREADY dead and lesbo. If he’d done The Crying Game, the dame with the ding dong would have been a female-to-male transsexual, not the other way around. But now all anyone cares about is how the fuck M. Night’s latest thriller, The Happening, is going to end. What will end up, you know, happening? Can’t help you much here, alas. All I know is that the official plot description is shorter than Linda Hunt: “A family is on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity.”

And after some consideration, here are some educated guesses as to the turnout:

It’s the Manson family.

It’s set in the present.

It’s not set in the present.

They’re running because they can’t afford to use the car anymore.

Mark Wahlberg doesn’t show his biceps.

The family on the run is yours! And they’re running from the theater!