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CorporalMartin: Hey Thom! Long time, no talk!
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Away message from SargeantYorke:
busy not being coldplay
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CorporalMartin: 🙁
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CorporalMartin: I know you’re just jokin’! Let me know when you get back in!
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CorporalMartin: Thom? You there?
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SargeantYorke: hris martin looks like an emaciated donkey
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SargeantYorke: oh, sorry, wrong window.
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CorporalMartin: Oh.
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CorporalMartin: Well, I was just gonna ask, did you happen to see that we came out with another album?
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SargeantYorke: oh did you really
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CorporalMartin: Yeah! And y’know, we’re pretty big fans of you guys
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SargeantYorke: yeah, i heard.
isn’t it great how I wrote Ok Computer and I still have both my balls?
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CorporalMartin: oh shit you read that
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SargeantYorke:
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CorporalMartin: ah, well . . .
so of course, we were curious to see what you thought of our new record!
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SargeantYorke: listen man, i don’t have time to go to pandora.com, type in “jack johnson bono masturbate” and listen through the radio station for two hours
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CorporalMartin: Oh, you don’t have to do that. It’s in stores!
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SargeantYorke: what the fuck is a store
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SargeantYorke: anyway i think i get the idea of “coldplay”
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SargeantYorke: you sit at a piano and sing falsetto about being sorry
then you explain that it’s unique because you recorded in a warehouse or a church or a port-a-john or whatever the god fuck
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SargeantYorke: oh man, i hope your album has art on it! i hope that art is supposed to symbolize something!
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CorporalMartin: Actually, it does! It’s a
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SargeantYorke: nobody cares
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CorporalMartin: Well okey doke then. Sorry to bug you. I just think it’d be really great if you gave it a listen! Honest critique is welcome!
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Away message from SargeantYorke:
performing a webcast in a soiled undershirt, be back later
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CorporalMartin: aw jeez
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**OnlineHost** Later that evening…
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SargeantYorke: oh man, so you wouldn’t believe who messaged me today
fuckin chris martin from coldplay
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SargeantYorke: guy is such a douchebag, coldplay sucks so bad
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TOM_WAITS: why do you say that
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SargeantYorke: well i mean, heh, it’s coldplay, come on
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TOM_WAITS: son i heard the new coldplay album, it’s nothin spectacular but it’s really not bad
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TOM_WAITS: did you even listen to it or did you just decide to get all snarky about it pre-emptively
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SargeantYorke: well
well i mean no, but
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TOM_WAITS: think on this, lazy-eye
some folks like you and me can get away with shit. i can sell millions of albums of me whacking a plumbing fixture with a lead pipe and screaming about setting my wife on fire
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TOM_WAITS: and you can get away with goddamn “push/pull revolving doors”
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TOM_WAITS: and if we weren’t so lucky we might just have to spit our dicks out our mouths and write regular people music
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SargeantYorke: well yeah maybe
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TOM_WAITS: how about you actually listen to it, i kind of like some songs on there
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TOM_WAITS: i’m outta here
/slaps saddle
GIDDY UP
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CorporalMartin: HEE HAW
/trots into horizon
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-
ProgressiveBoink.com
jonbois@gmail.com
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