 |
CorporalMartin: Hey Thom! Long time, no talk! |
 |
Away message from SargeantYorke:
busy not being coldplay
|
|
|
CorporalMartin: 🙁 |
|
|
CorporalMartin: I know you’re just jokin’! Let me know when you get back in! |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Thom? You there? |
|
|
SargeantYorke: hris martin looks like an emaciated donkey |
|
|
SargeantYorke: oh, sorry, wrong window. |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Oh. |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Well, I was just gonna ask, did you happen to see that we came out with another album? |
|
|
SargeantYorke: oh did you really |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Yeah! And y’know, we’re pretty big fans of you guys |
|
|
SargeantYorke: yeah, i heard.
isn’t it great how I wrote Ok Computer and I still have both my balls?
|
|
|
CorporalMartin: oh shit you read that |
|
|
SargeantYorke:
|
|
|
CorporalMartin: ah, well . . .
so of course, we were curious to see what you thought of our new record!
|
|
|
SargeantYorke: listen man, i don’t have time to go to pandora.com, type in “jack johnson bono masturbate” and listen through the radio station for two hours |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Oh, you don’t have to do that. It’s in stores! |
|
|
SargeantYorke: what the fuck is a store |
|
|
SargeantYorke: anyway i think i get the idea of “coldplay” |
|
|
SargeantYorke: you sit at a piano and sing falsetto about being sorry
then you explain that it’s unique because you recorded in a warehouse or a church or a port-a-john or whatever the god fuck
|
|
|
SargeantYorke: oh man, i hope your album has art on it! i hope that art is supposed to symbolize something! |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Actually, it does! It’s a |
|
|
SargeantYorke: nobody cares |
|
|
CorporalMartin: Well okey doke then. Sorry to bug you. I just think it’d be really great if you gave it a listen! Honest critique is welcome! |
|
|
Away message from SargeantYorke:
performing a webcast in a soiled undershirt, be back later
|
|
|
CorporalMartin: aw jeez |
|
**OnlineHost** Later that evening… |
|
|
SargeantYorke: oh man, so you wouldn’t believe who messaged me today
fuckin chris martin from coldplay
|
|
|
SargeantYorke: guy is such a douchebag, coldplay sucks so bad |
 |
TOM_WAITS: why do you say that |
|
|
SargeantYorke: well i mean, heh, it’s coldplay, come on |
|
|
TOM_WAITS: son i heard the new coldplay album, it’s nothin spectacular but it’s really not bad |
|
|
TOM_WAITS: did you even listen to it or did you just decide to get all snarky about it pre-emptively |
|
|
SargeantYorke: well
well i mean no, but
|
|
|
TOM_WAITS: think on this, lazy-eye
some folks like you and me can get away with shit. i can sell millions of albums of me whacking a plumbing fixture with a lead pipe and screaming about setting my wife on fire
|
|
|
TOM_WAITS: and you can get away with goddamn “push/pull revolving doors” |
|
|
TOM_WAITS: and if we weren’t so lucky we might just have to spit our dicks out our mouths and write regular people music |
|
|
SargeantYorke: well yeah maybe |
|
|
TOM_WAITS: how about you actually listen to it, i kind of like some songs on there |
|
|
TOM_WAITS: i’m outta here
/slaps saddle
GIDDY UP
|
|
|
CorporalMartin: HEE HAW
/trots into horizon
|
