Yee-haw! Led by Scalia, Supreme Court overturns gun ban.
That sound of gunfire you hear isn’t coming from Iraq, for a change. It’s from right here in the U.S. of A., celebrating the Supreme Court’s monumental decision overturning a D.C. handgun ban.
Used to peppering our backsides with buckshot, Dick Cheney‘s hunting partner, Justice Antonin Scalia, aimed his pistol at us and issued this opinion:
“Hey, Bubba, gimme that bottle of Jack over there. Y’all, we’ll finish this shit off, fire up the pickup, and go get us some duck. I bet them birds never seen a pistol before. Joe Bob, tell Cheney to get his ass out of the crapper. We need to git goin’!
“Damn it, Bubba, I tol’ you to gimme that bottle of Jack! Give it here!”
His actual opinion on behalf of the majority went like this:
“But the enshrinement of constitutional rights necessarily takes certain policy choices off the table. These include the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home.
“Undoubtedly some think that the Second Amendment is outmoded in a society where our standing army is the pride of our Nation, where well-trained police forces provide personal security, and where gun violence is a serious problem. That is perhaps debatable, but what is not debatable is that it is not the role of this Court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct.
Hey, somebody’s knockin’ at the door — Jimbo, throw me my pistol. I’ll go see who it is.