I Heart Heather Locklear


I was so stunned by last week’s headline “Heather Locklear Institutionalized” that I forgot to, er, commit to a written reaction. I have to say I worship that woman! She’s been a TV constant my entire adult life, from commercials (“And I told a friend…and so on and on”) to the shoulder-padded bitchery of Dynasty to the eyeball-rolling witchery of Melrose Place and beyond. But I have to admit I always wondered when Locklear’s glinty veneer was going to crack. She was just too perfect—never seen without golden chunks and pearlized nails—and when interviewed by the likes of me, she never revealed a glimmer of any true personality, just the shiny allure of someone who primarily exists in front of the camera. A true pro, she must have buried her insecurities in order to stay on top, only to have them erupt when divorcing whatshisname, feeling extra heaps of pain if skanky Denise Richards really did pilfer him without stopping at the register. Combating anxiety and depression head on is a big leap for a human Barbie doll like Locklear—it means she’s ready to let her guard down and try to claw her way back to happiness by not pretending everything’s all right anymore. Let’s all send her our love—and so on and so on…