iVoice: Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift Paint their Toenails!


In case it hasn’t yet been clearly articulated here (probably not), the two fellas responsible for the never-ending laff-riots that are iVoice chats are Jon Bois and Brandon Stroud, who also co-run the chat-game over at the Dugout. We’re still not sure how they do it—they’re either über-hackers or über-hecklers, but we don’t want to know what’s in the Big Mac Special Sauce either. This one comes courtesy of Brandon and it is a personal fave. — Your blawgh editah

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Painting Your Toenails Chatroom!
  BlareUnderwood: Isn’t it great being a young country starlet in the new Nashville sound? /paints toe
  FastSeamstress: ERMAGARD I know!!! I’m, what, triple platinum or something, aydunno…
  BlareUnderwood: It is, like, a dream come true. Yesterday I got hit on by Joe Diffie.



FastSeamstress: eeeee!!!!
  BlareUnderwood: If I wanted I could have a store-gy with Big and Rich and Montgomery and Gentry and Brooks and Dunn!
  FastSeamstress: omg do you have david archuletas tex number??
  BlareUnderwood: nyah hee hee nyah hee /paints toe
  FastSeamstress: Just think, I’m like “Fancy” from that Reba McEntire song where she gets a dress and makes a life for herself!
  BlareUnderwood: i think that song is about a child prostitute


FastSeamstress: oh


FastSeamstress: well yeah that’s still pretty accurate


BlareUnderwood: Well I’m this generation’s Tammy Wynette!
  FastSeamstress: wasn’t she badly beaten and abused and kidnapped from a grocery store or something one time?
  BlareUnderwood: Okay then, I’m this generation’s Patsy Cline!
  FastSeamstress: wasn’t she abused by her father when she was little and didn’t she die in a plane crash?


FastSeamstress: *whispers* and wasn’t she like a size thirty


BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Tanya Tucker?
  FastSeamstress: wasn’t she a drug addict and an alcoholic teenager who slept with everybody?
  BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Pam Tillis?
  FastSeamstress: lost her original face in the war


BlareUnderwood: loretta lynn


FastSeamstress: beaten, abused, had 11 kids before she turned 12
  BlareUnderwood: I-
  FastSeamstress: What?


BlareUnderwood: Fine! I’m this generation’s Dolly Parton!

FastSeamstress: okay, whatev.

but I mean when she was young she had to-

  BlareUnderwood: She has huge tits and gay people love her!
  FastSeamstress: okay, okay, sor-ry
  FastSeamstress: ….
  FastSeamstress: hey can i be this generation’s dolly parton instead, that sounds awesome
  BlareUnderwood: Hell no, you already called child prostitute

FastSeamstress: come owwwwwnnnn /stomps feet
  BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry


FastSeamstress: but Miley Cyrus already called it!!!! /holds breath
  BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry, enjoy your dead roach-infested mother


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